Hurt
by KDMOSP
Summary: Sequel to "Pain." At your lowest point, those you have hurt the most are often the ones who show the most love. JJ has given up; the team on the other hand, never will.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, here it is, the much anticipated sequel to "Pain." If there is anything you want in the story to have happen (no relationships though, JJ is not at the point for that to be even a remotely good idea) please PM and I will try and work it in:**

Your head hurts; it hurts so bad that you almost want to cry. But crying won't help, if anything, it will make the pounding in your head ten times worse; if at all possible. You have never had migraines before, but except that what you have now is one.

You try and open your eyes but immediately cry out in pain, it simply hurts so much. Everything hurts; even thinking hurts. You feel your body shaking, shivering almost and you cannot control it.

Suddenly, it's as if your mind catches up- and you feel the rest of your body. And instantly, you know something has gone very, very wrong. You swallow and try and think back to what you last remember. It's fragmented at best, with only patchy clear memories. Something about moving, an ambulance, someone familiar was with you in the ambulance.

Then, something happened and you rack your mind trying to remember, recall anything that can give you some idea of what is going on now. But you cannot, you cannot even think straight without your head pounding.

"Hey, she's waking up!" You hear a voice say, and struggle to identify it.

"Juice her again." A female voice responds. "She can't fight you too hard."

"Well, then get back here and help me. The last thing we need is for her to be awake when we switch trucks." You shake your head, trying to understand what is happening, and force your eyes open.

You are on your back, lying on a semi comfortable surface, a bed- a gurney. And everything seems to be moving in slow motion.

Your training is telling you that you are in an enormous amount of danger, that you need to fight. But you can't; you body will not cooperate. So, instead, you look around, trying to assess your surroundings. It looks to you, like you are in an ambulance.

"What.." You whisper out loud and suddenly see movement to your left. It's Hannah. Oh, okay, you are safe, it's only Hannah. You watch as she has a needle in her hand and moves toward you.

"Hi there." She smiles at you and brushes the hair out of your eyes. "No more fighting, okay." She says softly, and before you can react, your head is being pulled back and a man is staring down at you.

"Just breathe." He tells you and places a mask over your face.

Suddenly, the memories come flooding back and now you know what is happening.

"NO!" You shout and twist your head away, refusing to allow them to do this again. "No.."

"Agent, it's for your own good." Someone says and you feel someone lifting your head up and then something being placed around your neck. You hear it snap close and find that now, you cannot move your head at all. They have immobilized you.

"Hannah.." You call out to her, you are beyond scared. "Don't let them.. please.."

You hear no response but see out of the corner of your eye, Hannah passing the needle over your head to the man standing next to you.

"No! I won't fight, I promise.." You stay perfectly still, you do not want to be drugged again. "I promise.." You feel the tears starting up again, you are so scared. You feel a soft touch on your cheeks and realize Hannah is wiping your tears.

"We know you won't." She nods and you feel someone grab your arm and before you can react, you know they have drugged you again. "You won't get the chance."

Before you can reply, the mask is again over your nose and mouth, but you can't fight it.

"Just breathe, babe." One of them tells you and you have no choice. You hold your breath as long as you can, but eventually take a deep breath and inhale the gas.

Your last fading thought is that, your worst nightmare, everything you have tried to prevent, to keep your team safe, is happening. You have been kidnapped again.


	2. Mary

**A/N: Please keep in mind, the story focuses on mental illness :) Enjoy!**

You are smart enough this time, not to try and open your eyes, not to move, or cry out in pain; you are smart enough to fake sleep. It kills you not to fight back, but as you feel yourself being lifted up from, what you can assume, is the trunk of a car, you make yourself limp.

You go limp and you listen; you listen for any clues as to why this is happening. Again.

"Is she still out?" You hear a female voice ask.

"Out cold." You bite your lip as the person carrying you, suddenly jostles you in his arms. Pain radiates down your body.

"Good."

They don't say anything else for a few minutes, and it is growing harder and harder not to cry out in pain. You have no idea why you are in pain, and do not remember sustaining any injuries and a new fear suddenly begins to develop you; what did they do to you when you were unconscious.

"Just drop her on the ground." The female voice commands and suddenly you feel your body falling and colliding with the cement; you cannot stop it this time. You cry out in pain and instantly know your shoulder is dislocated. You did it once before in soccer, you know a dislocated shoulder when you feel it; feel it and hear it. You know your shoulder is dislocated.

"Well, look who is awake." You force your eyes open, hoping that the tears you feel are not visible. You are staring right into the eyes of Hannah; and right then and there, you know she is evil. Pure evil.

You have seen evil before, the eyes, the look and right now, those eyes, and that look is staring right back at you.

"You stupid, stupid bitch." Hannah reaches for you and you try to flinch away, but she grabs you by the shirt and pulls you closer to her. "Did you really think anyone at that hospital cared enough about you to visit you as often as I did?" She strokes your hair and the gentleness is somehow more frightening than anything else.

Suddenly, she stops and her eyes turn blacker than you thought possible; and it is almost as if a different person steps forward. You watch as Hannah begins to have a conversation with herself, answering statements that you have only heard one side of. You close your eyes, as a realization hits you- Hannah is schizophrenic.

"Get the damn satellites away!" She suddenly screams at you, and pulls a knife, holding it to your throat. "Your the government, get the fucking satellites away!" She is sweating, pale, shaking and volatile.

"How?" You whisper, not sure you want to fight. In a deep, dark sort of way, you are hoping that she will do it. Please, dear God, do it.

"I.. I don't know.." She pulls the knife away and you see a man approaching from behind.

"Mary?" He approaches her gently, and takes the knife from her. Mary? You think, who is Mary? And like a light bulb, things click. Hannah was never her name, it was Mary. If she used her real name, you would have remembered who she was.

Mary was there that night- Mary laughed as the men tormented you over and over again. Mary coached them on. Mary was the ringleader.

Mary was Hannah, Hannah was Mary.

And you were in a situation you were not sure you would ever get out of.


	3. Give Up

**A/N: i am thinking of rewriting my story "Mentor." I love the concept, not sure how much I like my writing and would love to try it again! Thoughts? Anyways please beware, this chapter has mention of rape, it is not detailed at all, but wanted to let you know. Thanks for reading!**

You refuse to fight; you do not see the point anymore. You will not give him, give her, give them, the pleasure of watching you battle a fight you know you cannot win.

It is the same thing as last time, you know what to expect; the only difference is that your family is not there.

"Look at me." You hear the man hiss in your ear, his hot breath seems to burn the tender skin on your cheek. "Look at me while we do this.." You feel him slipping your remaining clothes off; and then another disturbing thought overtakes you. You do not care.

You do not fight as you lie naked underneath him, completely vulnerable, your body completely his. You remembered the last time you fought- you lost and you are not up to doing that again. Experiencing that again.

"What, baby?" He kisses you again, this time you do not even turn away from him; you have accepted what you perceive is fate. This will happen. Again.

Just like everything else.

Just like you failing to kill yourself, just like you failing to stop yourself from being abducted again.

You are a failure.

And in your mind, are not worth defending yourself.

So, he does the act, and you do not fight, do not bat an eyelash, or shed a tear as he ravishes your body; over and over and over again.

And when he is done, he simply looks at you. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He growls and his expression grows angrier when you refuse to answer. "I. Am. Talking. To. You." He shakes you hard with each word, each shake growing more violent.

You do not respond. There is nothing left in you, no fight, no hope, no fear, no feeling. You are a shell. You might as well be an inanimate object- you feel your soul just… give up.

You are not sure what happens, but he drops you to the ground and kicks you hard before grabbing your clothes and throwing them into the fire. You feel nothing as you watch what dignify you had left burn into nothing.

You are engrossed in the dancing flames of the fire when you suddenly hear shouting coming from another part of the hell hole you are in. You recognize the voices- Hannah or Mary (you still aren't sure who she really is) and the man, they are arguing.

"That isn't what I wanted, Mary!" The man's voice is livid, you can hear it in his tone of voice.

But Mary's is angrier, if possible. "What did you want? I told you, Robert, she isn't the same! You knew that before we grabbed her!"

"If she isn't going to play along, I want nothing to do with this." Robert's voice is fluctuating and you briefly hope the argument is dying down.

Their voices are growing closer and you realize that Mary and Robert are coming back for you. Oh well.

"You have to!" Mary's voice is shrill and you look up to see her hovering over you; she has some sort of curling iron in her hand; her hair is half curled and half wavy. It almost brings a smile to your face.. almost.

"She isn't worth it, Mary! I'm not interested if they don't fight- and this one is nothing short of a vegetable. She isn't there anymore; a shell."

"No." You watch Mary shake her head, and an evil glare overtake her. "I can make her scream." She seems almost desperate for Robert's approval, for his help. "See! Watch!" You have no time to move when she reaches over and presses the hot curling iron to your chest.

You simply whimper.

****And Robert shakes his head. "Mary- she is useless- she isn't worth our time. Just kill her and dump her." He looks down at you and reads your mind. "After all, it's what she wants."


	4. Nothing

**A/N: Here is the next chapter, it is violent so please beware! Also, let me know about the ending.. and PLEASE review!**

**Thanks!**

You stare at Robert, refusing to give him confirmation to his statement. He knows though, he knows he is right and that all you want is to stop existing. How- you don't care- at their hands or yours. As long as it happens.

He holds your chin in his hands, forcing you to look at him. You won't give him the satisfaction that he is looking for, to see you cry and beg, like last time. It won't happen this time for a few reasons. One, you know it is what he wants- what he is hoping for. And two, because you simply do not have it in you to beg for your life.

You want the opposite, for him to end it. And you have to make him mad enough to do that. You have to make him see you as worthless, a waste, a liability. Unfortunately, Mary, or Hannah whoever the hell she is, seems to want to keep you alive. Bitch.

"Mary had to go run a quick errand," Robert is whispering to you. You can smell the cigarettes on his breath and you want to gag. His hand is running through your hair and you bite back the want to bite him. He is disgusting. "Do you want to know what we are going to do?" He taunts you and moves behind you.

You refuse to answer him and it further infuriates him; it leads to a hard punch to the temple, and you feel nothing as you once again lose consciousness.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When you wake up, you immediately know that Mary has returned. You are no longer chained to the wall, instead, you are in a dark room and a television is in front of you. You are still chained though, you cannot move much and you see that your hands are trapped in handcuffs, that are then locked around a small hook in the floor. You quickly realize that you cannot turn away from the screen.

But you can still close your eyes; and you know you have to. You don't know what is going to be done, but you know it isn't good.

And they seem to be a step ahead of you, because even though your eyes are closed, what comes next shatters any semblance of sanity you have left.

"Mommy?"

And right then, and there, with that tiny word, that tiny voice.. you know you have lost. You are done. You feel any part of you that wanted to live disappear. You give up and you feel your body sink into the floor as the voice continues.

"Mommy!" His little voice giggles, and you feel your soul weep, you body cannot.

"Mommy!" You shake your head, your little boy, his voice, you are hearing it for the first time in months. He sounds perfect, just as you remember him. Sweet, stubborn, wild, your baby.

"Mommy, look what I can do!"

You can't help it, and open your eyes and glue them to the screen. You see your son, he is playing T-ball, he is practicing so hard and with one giant swing, he knocks the ball off the post and looks at you. He is so proud of himself he jumps up and down with excitement.

"Good job, kiddo." You hear your own voice say, remember being so proud of your little boy.

"Henry.." You hear yourself whisper, wanting to reach out and take him in your arms. To hug him, to breathe him in, to touch him… just one more time.

The projection suddenly stops and is replaced with Will's voice. "Jayje.." He is calling you, his voice is perfect. You turn to look at him and take the camera for him as he runs over and begins to play soccer with Henry.

And your heart breaks. This was the day before everything went wrong. It briefly crosses your mind of where the home videos could have come from, then you remember that they were all filmed on your phone… they had your phone.

You can't help but glue your eyes to the images dancing in front of you- and you briefly forget your hellicious existence.

Until the screen goes black and flashes to life again. You don't have time to react, and the screen is showing Will rocking Henry in his arms, Will is crying, and in the background, you hear your own voice.

And the gun goes off; and the screen turns red.

You scream and cry, and you know, you know- there is no coming back from cannot unsee or unhear what just happened.

And now, you are not there. An empty shell, there is simply nothing left in you. Absolutely nothing.


	5. Worth Nothing

**A/N: Thanks guys! Hope you like this one! Please review!**

's a feeling that you have no words to describe; it's simply nothing.

You are nothing; you are worth nothing, you have nothing, you feel nothing.

If you were to pick an adjective to describe you, you wouldn't have any trouble finding that word. It's nothing. And you want nothing, desire nothing, hope for nothing, cry, and beg, and feel nothing.

Nothing is your existence right now, and you wish you knew how to describe that.. but you again, have no words.

You wish you had something, anything.. any kind of feeling for your current predicament- but again, there is nothing. One would think that someone in your situation would be scared, terrified, a range of emotions, but are not feeling anything.

And your situation, looking at just facts, has become dramatically worse.

Now, now on top of you being kidnapped, and tortured and chained to a damn wall naked, you are alone. You should be grateful for it, happy that for a moment, you are not in immediate danger.

Being alone means so much; you can think to yourself, breathe, you would cry if you could. But you can't.

But you are not normal and you know it- and you hate that you are alone. Before this, before you were kidnapped AGAIN, you craved to be left alone, you despised interaction with anyone else, dreaded the moment someone would speak to you, address you, look at you, and touch you. You hated when any of the team would try and make it better, or "help" you, you hated the social workers and the doctors and the nurses. All and anyone that came to talk to you, you instantly hated before they even opened their mouths. You hated people, all people.

And then Hannah came into the room- and you trusted her a bit. And then she went and pulled this stunt and you have to wonder if the team even has connected the two. Hannah and Mary.. you doubt it- you never talked to them about what happened.

Now, you are alone and you hate it. It is an entirely different feeling and one that someone would be unable to understand. Unless they were you. You understand. And as you think more about it, you realize just how right you are.

The two son of bitches killed one another. Right in front of you. You aren't really sure why, and do not give a damn but they have left you in a predicament of epic proportions.

When at least one of them was alive, you knew without a doubt, that one of them would kill you, would be the one who ended your misery. And you wanted to thank them for it, for being the one, the hero to end it all. To kill the FBI agent.

But they had chicken shitted out on you.

You do not know why they killed another, but know it involved an argument over you. Robert had wanted to kill you, and dump you and move on, Mary had wanted to keep you alive a bit longer. Personally, you were on Robert's side.

The fight had escalated quickly, and Mary had suddenly charged at her brother, a large knife in her hand. By the time Robert had put a hole in her head, she had stabbed him in the chest. They had both fallen to the floor, and died mere inches from the other.

Mary had been dead before she hit the floor and for the briefest moment, you felt a pang of empathy for Hannah. Then you remembered, this wasn't Hannah- there never was a Hannah. Just Mary. Evil Mary. And she was dead.

Robert, on the other hand, had died a horrible, slow death. One that you didn't even bat an eye at. You had watched as he had tried to crawl over to his cell phone, and didn't say a word when you watched him take his last breath.

That had been hours ago, and in those hours, you realized something. You were stuck in a very, very horrific situation.

When the two had been alive, they could bring you water, food, clothes and warmth- you still aren't sure that they would have- but at least the option was there. Without them, if the team didn't find you soon, you would die a slow, painful death. Chained to a damn wall, naked, bleeding and pathetic.

And now, you truly had nothing.


	6. Value

**A/N: Enjoy!**

You hate yourself right now; you hate everything about you. There is so much to hate and nothing to love, nothing of value. You are a waste of space and oxygen and you know without a doubt that right now, you are a waste of the FBI's time, energy and resources.

You know that they are looking for you; that they are desperate to find you; and you don't care.

You do not care on so many levels, so many exhausting levels.

You do not care that your team, your family, is most likely frantic to find you; that they are thinking the worst. You know what it is like to be on the other side- desperate to find any clues, anything that can lead you to a missing person. It can be horribly stressful, and heartbreaking simply not knowing.

And you know that is what the team is going through, the not knowing. You take a deep breath and think about them about what they are doing. You know one thing- they are looking for you.

They are scouring for any evidence, anything to where you might have vanished too, and you have very little doubt that they won't find something.

If anything, they will somehow stumble upon Hannah's secret- they will have to. She is the only lead they have to go on. She was the one in the ambulance with you- they will of course look into her.

And you begin to wonder what they will find. They won't find anyone by her name, that you know. Her name never was Hannah, it was Mary. They will find her past, her battle with mental illness, and slowly somehow they will link her to that horrible night so many months ago.

They will link her and realize how much trouble you are really in.

But the danger they see is so much different from the actual danger you are in. Yes, you are still in danger, but it won't be at the hands of another person. It'll be you dying from dehydration more than likely; you can already feel the thirst setting in.

Hotch probably sees it as you in danger from a multitude of sources.

First, from your own hand. He is worried that you will kill yourself given the chance. And you would, if you had the chance.

He is also worried that the people responsible for your disappearance will kill you. So he is battling a double edged sword. And you laugh at it.

Serves him right. For taking your rights, for saving your life, for caring, for loving you despite what you have done. It serves him right to…

And you stop, you stop right there. And it hits you, nothing is right about this. Nothing at all.

You do not deserve this, you do not deserve to be chained to a wall, hoping for death. You do not deserve to be used and abused, or abducted and harmed and violated, you don't deserve any of it.

What you do deserve is respect, and love, and caring. And you have had it all along- and you constantly fought it back.

You close your eyes and think, what have you done? And you can only hope that the man who has been fighting to keep you alive, will keep fighting and save your life.

And if he does, you will never be able to repay him.


	7. Confused

**A/N: Stay with me on this one; this ch. is confusing! If you want to know what is going on, please PM me, but I will explain it in later chapters! If you are a smarty pants and have it figured out; congrats!**

You have felt pain before, you know exactly what pain is; both the mental and physical pain. Honestly, the mental pain is a hundred times worse than physical pain. Physical pain eventually goes away; mental pain stays with you long after the initial event.

Right now, you are currently suffering through both- and they are both equally hellish.

The physical pain is horrific; the injuries that you have been given though are barely hurting and for once, you are grateful. What is unbearable though is the hunger and thirst pains- and they are beyond agonizing.

You do not remember what you last ate, or even what you ate last. You hadn't been hungry lately and remember being asked to eat, staff begging you to eat, the team offering to you bring you whatever you wanted. And it wasn't you being stubborn for once, you just had no appetite, no desire to eat. The smell of food made you physically sick and it would send you spiraling into a flashback- they had poisoned your food when you were first kidnapped; you have no illusion that they wouldn't try it this time.

Now, now you would give anything for food; any kind of food. Pizza, sushi, nachos, a hot dog, mac and cheese. Oh! How wonderful they sounded!

It was almost enough to make her mouth water; almost. Except her mouth couldn't water- her mouth was bone dry. You do not remember the last time you drank anything either; but knew the hospital had been keeping you hydrated via the IV. Without it though, you are quickly feeling the need for water. And boy do you need it.

The two bastards that could give you food and water had taken their lives and left you here- they lay just feet…

No.. you shake your head. Where did they go? You could have sworn just moments before that they were lying in front of you, dead. Now; now you are alone and their bodies are gone. What the hell is going on?

You shake your head, trying to figure out what is going on; then without thinking, you rub your eyes- and it hits you. You arms are free..

You blink again, there are no bodies in front of you, you arms are free, and you are fully clothed. What in the hell is going on?

You feel your heart rate pick up, you feel yourself shaking and getting scared. You have no idea what has happened.

The room is getting fuzzy, swirling around you and all you can do is pull your knees up and hug them to your chest. You hear voices calling your name, they get louder as the rooms spins faster and you want to scream; you want to cry and scream. You are so scared.

Voices are calling you, but you cannot make out their words, only your name, you feel hands on you and you want to pull away, and you bury your head in your knees. You do not want to see what is happening.

You believe in monsters now, and are terrified they are coming to get you.

That the monsters that live in your mind as memories have finally taken over.

You are afraid that you have finally broken down and lost; your memories have won.


	8. Fever

**A/N: i apologize for my lack of updates; hopefully my muse will return with reviews. Hint Hint. **

Hands are all over you, strange hands, gloved hands, hands you have never felt before. There are voices everywhere- and while you can hear the words, your mind simply cannot process what is being told to you.

You remember growing up, watching the cartoon of Charlie Brown; and laughing at how the adults were often portrayed. How their voices never seemed to say anything- but you could clearly hear someone speaking.

It is a strange resemblance to what is happening now. Voices are everywhere, but they are muffled and not making sense. You wish you could understand what is happening, but you cannot. And it's scary.

And that is just hearing.

Your senses feel as though they are on overdrive.

You can see, yes, you can definitely see; but just like your hearing, your vision is not registering in your brain. You see figures moving all around you, all reaching for you, some of their hands in the air, others are slowly kneeling down in front of you.

You think you know some of them, they look vaguely familiar, but you cannot put a name to their face. One is right in front of you, you see his lips moving, hear his words, but that is all.

You can smell too, and you can recognize the distinct smell of… well of something. Just like everything else, it is familiar- but your brain will not let you recognize it.

Feeling- if you close your eyes, you can feel the cool floor underneath your body, your hands. And you gently move your fingers across the floor, taking in the cool tile, the grout, the cleanliness of it.

The one sense you know you have not picked up on his taste; there is nothing to taste- at least you do not think so. Your mouth is dry and you know you are thirsty.

The people ahead of you, in front of you, maybe they can help.

"Thirsty." You feel yourself asking- risking a lot. At the same time, you feel your body and your mind simply working on instinct now- self preservation. You desperately need water, and without thinking it was as if your body took over and without a thought, you simply asked for it.

"JJ, would you like some water?" You hear a man asking, his voice is strangely comforting.

You nod, keeping your eyes on him, your heart beat is increasing, there is something about him that is truly terrifying yet, at the same time, reassuring

He has power, you know that; it seems to surround him and you wonder if somehow, you know him. You briefly look him over, and feel a tiny bit of recognition.

You know him, you just do not know how you do.

"JJ." He calls your name again and you look up, he is handing you a cup of water.

You reach over, and notice your hands are shaking, they are shaking so hard that you are sure you cannot even hold the cup without spilling it.

"Can I help you?" He asks, and while you still are not sure if you can trust him, you nod slowly

"Okay, here you go." He scoots closer to you and you react, you find yourself suddenly moving back and away, pulling your knees up to your chest. Protecting yourself from some unknown enemy.

He stops, he must know, somehow sense that you are terrified. "JJ, I won't hurt you, I promise."

He knows, he knows what you are scared of, that you fear him.

And your eyes dart around, and suddenly they lock on something on his hip. He sees it the same time as you do.

"No." You shake your head, and cannot stop the tears that have suddenly started falling.

"JJ." He whispers softly and you watch as he slowly takes the gun from his hip and without taking his eyes off of you, he hands it to someone behind him. "JJ." He moves closer.

And this time, you don't flinch.

"JJ, do you know who I am?" His voice says to you, and immediately it becomes clear that you trust him. You actually understand what he is saying.

You nod to him, but stop when you know notice he isn't buying it. So you look him in the eye and whisper. "No."

You think it has broken his heart, judging by the reaction he gets. You watch as he looks behind him, there are people standing there- some are crying. "I'm sorry." You are wondering what you have done wrong to upset him so much

Your hands are shaking again, your entire body is now, and he slowly moves forward to you. You don't resist when he wraps a blanket around you and picks you up from the cold floor. He wraps his arms around you, and you feel safe, comfortable. Relaxed.

In the background you hear a bit of noise. "She is burning up." The same man says. "You have to get her fever down.." His voice takes on an aggravated tone but you know it isn't directed at you.

"Agent Hotchner." Another voice joins in and you find yourself being slowly let down onto a soft surface, a bed. "We are trying to bring down her fever.." A hand graces your forehead and you groan.

"Do something else!" The voice commands and you jump at the tone. "JJ, I'm sorry, just close your eyes."

"Agent, we have to be careful, she is very sick, but we cannot just keeping pumping as much medicine into her body as we want. Give it a few more hours and we can try something else."

You feel something in your ear and hear a beep, right now, though, you are too tired to care.

"Dr. Madison, her fever is at 105.4"

Somewhere in the back of your mind, an alarm is ringing- you feel someone pulling at your body, removing your clothes. But you are too tired to fight- and the welcome embrace of sleep finally catches up to you; and you close your eyes as you feel the hands of the man that carried you, take your own. And right now, you know you are safe.


	9. Hotch

**A/N: I know my updates have been... lacking. I am working on starting a nonprofit organization, I got hit by a bloody car on Thursday and am still trying to work full time. I have been busy. Hopefully this chapter is okay, I do not have a lot of hope for it. If ya'll know what is happening with JJ, go ahead and review! Even if you do not know, REVIEW! It makes my day. Also, thank you sooo much to my friend Rieke! **

**ENJOY!**

You wake up to an awful screaming, someone is screaming. Their voice is pained, scared, hurt, so many different things; and after a moment, you realize it is you who is screaming. And you cannot stop it.

It's your voice that is crying out, your voice that is scared and in pain. You are screaming and you don't know why, and it's damn scary.

And then, from somewhere, you hear a strangely comforting voice. And this one you know is not your own. And slowly, you hear the screaming, your own screaming, start to die down- and you listen.

"JJ." The voice calls out to you and the fear that is so present starts to dissipate and you find yourself clinging to this voice, this mysterious voice. "I am right here for you, nobody is going to hurt you."

Somewhere in the back of your brain something is telling you to pay attention to his voice, to listen to it, but to also pick out the details of everything you hear.

It is a male voice, strong and in charge, yet strangely comforting. You know you have heard the voice before and know you can trust it.

"JJ, can you open your eyes?" The voice asks and it occurs to you, that the reason it is still so dark is because your eyes are closed. So you do what you are asked and blink a few times as your eyes desperately try and adjust to the brightness.

"Jennifer?" A new voice speaks and you snap your head around to see a woman looking at you, she looks concerned. Her hand reaches out for you and you find yourself jumping away from it and towards the man who you trust.

"It's alright, JJ, she works here, she is a nurse." The man tells you and you look at him, trusting what he says, so all you do is nod.

"Jennifer, do you know where you are?" The woman asks. Her voice is soft and gentle, caring. And you look her over, small and overweight with beautiful long brown hair.

You shake your head, "No." You tell her and you watch as the man looks back towards the nurse, concern written on his features.

"That's okay. You are in a hospital- do you know who the man sitting next to you is?"

You feel your heart rate pick up and hear a beeping begin. You feel like you are supposed to know this stuff, like this is a test and you are about to fail miserably.

"It's alright if you don't know, hon. It's just fine." The nurse explains. "Can I just ask a few more questions?"

You nod and listen. "Do you know what year it is?"

You think and think but nothing is coming to you, so you look around the room for any clue that could at least guide you in a direction; but find none. "2000." You whisper- hoping to be close.

"Okay. Do you know the month?" She gives you no indication that you were right or wrong, but the fact that she is asking more questions means you couldn't have done that bad, right?"

You swallow and chew your lip. Both of them are wearing short sleeves, so it's more than likely one of the summer months. "June." You guess.

"Very close, Jennifer. One more question and then I will let you sleep."

"Okay."

"Do you know who you are?"

The question hits you like a bolt of lightning. And you think back through the conversations trying to remember if they called your name, and you get scared and start shaking. You are really afraid, so you do what the only thing you can do. You turn to the man next to you and look at him.

"Hotch."

"It's okay." He reassures and rubs your arms. "You remembered my name." He tells you and pushes you back on the bed so that you are lying down. "It'll be okay." He promises and you take comfort in that.

Whoever he is, whoever this Hotch person is, you trust him and know that if he says it will be okay, it will be okay.


	10. Monster

**A/N: i am so so sorry for my lack of updates! I got hit by a car a few weeks ago, and while the ER doc just said I had a few bumps, I ended up with a small fracture, a broken rib and a concussion! **

**Thank you all for your support! I am trying to update! Please review~**

You are hot, then miserably cold, and shivering and shaking, and you want to cry- to vomit. Something has gone very, very wrong. All you want is to feel safe, comfortable, to feel okay, but right now, that seems like a dream.

You want to sleep, but there is something stopping you from doing so, and despite the nagging feeling to close your eyes, you discover what is stopping you. You are terrified to do so. But what you are terrified of, you cannot place.

Maybe it's an idea, an unknown, like the monsters in the closet when you were just a kid. You have not seen them, but you know they exist. Somehow, deep down inside you, you know that monsters really do exist.

And suddenly, it hits you. It hits you hard, like a damn train, a brick wall, and you cannot stop it. You feel your body start shaking, feel yourself sweating but you cannot move, your eyes have locked on the closet door. Inside, you want to scream, but on the outside, you are too afraid to move, to breathe.

And somewhere in the background, you hear noises, beeping, chaos.

You are torn. You feel as though you are stuck in the middle of a street, walking the yellow line that divides two different directions; and you are stuck in the middle. On one side, you feel the fear, the terror, the absolute despair rushing up to meet you head on, to hit and attack you with such force you are sure you could not overpower it.

On the other side, what is coming up behind you is the opposite. You feel safe, secure, supported, you feel as if someone has your back and they will be there for you.

But you are still so scared, your body is frozen while your mind is running on overdrive.

"JJ?" You hear someone call your name, but you cannot force your head to turn away, but you do make yourself listen. You have a feeling that by forcing your mind to listen to concentrate, that the evil heading towards you might not hurt as bad.

"Jennifer?" It's another voice, one you do not recognize. Soft and kind but one that pulls your attention. "Jennifer, my name is Amanda Rios, I am one of the doctors here." Her voice is keeping you from going towards that awful.. thing, that seems to be rushing towards you and it is getting closer.

'Keep talking' You want to tell her.

"Jennifer, can you look at me?" She asks and try as you might, you cannot get your body to move, to turn.

It's when you feel someone take your hand, and try and pull your hands apart from one another that you are able to look up and at someone.

"JJ." It's Hotch. "JJ, let go." He commands and you feel your hands relax. You watch as he gently takes each one in his hands, rubbing his thumb over your hands. "JJ, can you look at me?" He asks.

"Hotch?" Even your own voice scares you, but you are so scared, you want to make sure he is really there.

"I'm right here." He tells you and suddenly lifts his hand, instantly, you find yourself cowering away from him, ducking.

And then, without any thought, almost instinct. A sentence escapes your mouth, and you watch as it devastates him.

"Please!"

You hear yourself plead and then, the thing you have been fighting to escape to get away from, swallows you whole.


	11. Turning Point

**A/N: I cannot tell you how sorry I am for not updating, but forced myself to do so today! I am trying to get back to writing. Thank you all so much!**

You feel something very soft on your cheek, a soft touch that you have not felt in a long time and for once, you welcome it. You are not sure what is going on, but you feel strangely relaxed and willing to allow yourself the warmth of the touch. It's safe, that you know, whoever the touch belongs to, they are safe.

But what scares you the most, is that you are fully awake, but paralyzed in a sense. You are unable to force your body to move, to talk, to eat or drink. You know you are very sick, but nothing seems to matter anymore, nothing.

You are in a dark place, your mind is trapped in your body and cannot escape. You are forced to sit somewhere with no chance of escape. You have even given up on trying to kill yourself. You have simply given up.

But the people who care about you, refuse to. They came in at all hours of the day to sit with you and talk, encourage, be there. But you have become a pro at tuning them out, you want to push them away, for them to leave you alone, but as the days go by you realize that it will not happen. They will not leave.

So instead of fighting against them, something else slowly begins to happen. You begin to look forward to their visits. Look forward to their ramblings, and company. And while you might not ever speak to them or make eye contact, you know they are there.

And that deep dark hole that has sucked you down, is slowly, very slowly, becoming less dark and less deep. Light is beginning to find you at the bottom and lead you carefully up and away.

And you sit on the bed, and listen as Hotch tells you about his day, his hands gently take yours and you find yourself focusing on his conversation. And for the first time in a long time, you are not just hearing sounds, you are hearing words, and sentences and language. You are hearing Hotch.

"JJ, I am sorry I am running late, traffic was not pleasant. I brought you some Cheetos if you get hungry; but don't let the staff know." You hear him rustling in a bag and a hint of orange flashes in front of your eyes, and then your stomach growls. "We miss you JJ, I spoke with your doctors earlier and withdrew consent for sedation. I spoke with Reid and a few other professionals and we all agree that the sedation is not helping you in anyway. We need to let you be you.."

It makes sense now, why things were so foggy, you had been sedated.

"They stopped it a few days ago, but you still have a fever and that is why you are in the ICU." He explains and suddenly, you feel the need to speak.

"Thirsty.." You whisper to him without making eye contact. Instead, you look down at the sheets.

"I'm sorry?" He is good and keep any element of surprise out of his voice.

"Thirsty.." You tell him again, surprised at how weak your voice sounds.

"Sure, give me a second." He turns and grabs the water pitcher, lifting the straw to your lips. Instinct takes over and you begin sucking on the straw, sighing in relief as the cool liquid falls down your throat. "Easy, JJ. You will make yourself sick.." He tries to pull the straw away from you, but you grab it back, still thirsty. "Okay, okay.." He seems to get it and allows you to drink as much as you want.

Its when there is no more liquid in the container that you allow him to take the thing away, and realize that you are tired. As if all your energy went into drinking.

"Go to sleep, JJ. I will be right here when you wake up." He reaches over and gently pushes you down so that your head touches a pillow. You do not flinch as he covers you with a blanket and then drapes his jacket over you. A comforting item, and just as you are falling to sleep, you open your eyes and look at him, making eye contact for the first time.

"Hotch?" You whisper.

"Yes?"

"Thank you.."


End file.
